I hate how timid I once was to write things. Like, I may not be on good terms with someone and then I feel like writing on someone else, I always think, “man I hope they don’t think I mean them”. I’m over that to be honest. If you feel it applies then it definitely means something you feel you’re doing subconsciously. Anyway, I just feel a lot better about things since a long talk I had last night. I found myself really confused as to how I couldn’t mesh well with two friends of mine. Well, one associate and a friend. I thought something was wrong with me because I never had an issue mingling and meeting people. However, some people are just different and operate better with their other set of friends. I’m personally very social so I don’t have the time to try to maneuver my way in. I like natural friendships and natural laughs + conversations. I shouldn’t have to think hard on what to say to you next, that’s weird and that’s not me being my normal self. I’m just accepting the fact that everyone won’t be as genuine, goofy, ready to laugh, bubbly, etc as I am (and my good friends). I should’ve already comprehended this, but I sometimes feel I can bring that out of people. Not this time.
That’s all. :]
I’m going to start writing my thoughts a lot more. I started it before and then stopped. Expressing myself helps.
I was cleaning my room and I found this old book from 7th grade. All my classmates signed it and stuff. This one girl named Arielle who I really disliked signed it, but her comment on my book was valuable advice. It said, “Stay funny, goofy but you have to learn to take up for yourself. Don’t let people talk to you any kind of way.” It made me remember how I used to be before I got high school and who I’ve grown to be even after HS. I was such a pushover that it was unbelievable. I’m glad that’s over.
Whenever I dumb people down on my importance scale, nothing they do or say can upset me. I literally mean nothing, but his is when I become this heartless bitch all of a sudden.
I feel everyone in my life is given a fair chance to mean something to me. But, when that spot is gone there is no turning back. I know a lot of people give a million chances but I’ll pass on that.
I like to believe I’m a very caring and considerate person, with a lot of sarcastic and blunt features. If people can’t accept that, then that’s definitely NOT my problem. And again, if any of my qualities bother the people I have dumbed down it really doesn’t bother me. The chance you had for me to give half a f u c k is dead and gone.